Real or not Real
by themightymetaphor
Summary: Oneshot about the night that Katniss tells peeta that she loves him. Rated M for a reason.


I know the smuty stuff isn't very detailed or interesting, but 1. I've never written anything that explicit before and 2. I was trying to capture the simplicity of your first time.

So, I'm dying to know what you think. Reviews make me very happy. I don't own any of the Hunger Games books. All characters and direct quotes belong to Suzanne Collins.

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><p>I pick up the phone on my bedside table and dial the number of the house down the street. The conversation that follows is very short and to the point just as it always is.<p>

"Nightmares?"

"Mhmm."

"I'm coming."

Not even five minutes pass when I hear a knock on my bedroom door. Peeta stopped knocking on my front door weeks ago. There's really no need since our comfort level with each other is basically back to where it was before he was turned into a raging Tracker Jacker venom controlled maniac. He's much better now, but I can tell that he still struggles sometimes. Whenever he has flashback he has to squeeze something, usually his wrists like when he had handcuffs during the revolution, to bring him back to reality. We're both still haunted by our memories, probably always will be, but that's why we have each other, for 2 AM nightmare calls.

When he walks in I'm sitting on the edge of my bed with my head in my hands trying to chase away the images of fire, blood, and death. Once he's directly in front of me I stand up and wrap my arms around his neck just like I have almost every night for the past few weeks. Once we both realized that we need each other again this became regular thing. I can still remember the first night I asked him to fall asleep with me since the revolution. He seemed confused, but I could sense that he had been missing me in his arms just as much as I missed being in his. That night was quiet, and soft, and safe. Neither of us really knew what we wanted so we just laid there and fell asleep in each other's arms. This night is different though. I lead him to the bed where he lays down then I lay down with my head on his chest. I close my eyes and listen to his heart beat softly. I love that sound. It's something a lot of people take for granted, but when you've come as close to losing that heartbeat as I have it becomes something precious, my own personal lullaby. But I don't want it to put me to sleep tonight. I don't know why but all I can think about is his lips, so I prop myself up on my elbows and stare into his deep blue eyes, my new favorite color. He smiles back at me, and I can see that he's been thinking the same thing I have, because he's staring at my lips.

I bend down and when our lips touch I can't help but smile. The gentleness and warmth that I get from kissing Peeta isn't something that I've ever felt before; it's not like anything else in the world. He grabs my face with his scarred hands and kisses me back gently, but then I start to feel that longing, that hunger that I felt kissing him on the beach during our second hunger games. I can't get enough of him, and when he breaks the kiss I quickly reunited our lips with more force and passion than ever before. I don't know what this feeling is, but I feel like I'm on fire, not a painful fire one that envelopes my chest and makes me breath heavy. Peeta senses my urgency and begins to match the fierceness that my tongue has with his. They're no longer calmly dancing like usual; it's more like they're fighting with each other. Peeta's hands move down from my face to the exposed skin around my waist and I shiver at the touch. I never had the chance to learn much about sex it's not something that was discussed in 12. I mean don't get me wrong I know where babies come from and all, but they left everything else to be learned on your own. Boys generally knew more than girls due the magazines that sometimes made their way down here from the capitol, but besides that most teenagers were pretty clueless. I was no exception. That's why it scares me a little bit when I feel my underwear get damp. This cannot be normal, but I forget about it for a second when Peeta pulls me in closer to him, and I moan softly into his mouth. I don't mean to, and I'm a little embarrassed by it, so I pull away and bite my lip.

"I'm sorry," Peeta apologizes quickly, "I shouldn't…I mean we can stop…"

"No! That's not it," I assure him, "It's just I don't really know what I'm doing, and I'm afraid I'm going to embarrass myself," I admit with my head hung low.

He lifts my chin with his fingers and searches my face as if to see if I'm joking with him. Once he realizes that I'm not he starts to laugh at me. Great, now I do feel embarrassed.

"Don't be embarrassed. You're not doing anything wrong. In fact I think you're very sexy."

Now it's my turn to laugh.

"What?" He questions.

"It's just I never thought I'd be called that. Sexy's not exactly my thing."

He sweeps away a lock of my hair and tucks it safely behind my ear. "Oh, Miss Everdeen," he states, "you have no idea the effect you have on people."

It's then that I decide to let instincts take over. I never gave much thought to sex because of my lack of interest in marriage and children, but for some reason laying here with Peeta I can't stop thinking about it. So I sit up on my knees and pull my cotton night shirt over my head revealing my bare chest. I'm surprised that Peeta's still looking into my eyes.

"Katniss, are sure you want to do this? We can stop; that's okay," he assures me.

I answer him crashing my lips into his and tugging at his shirt. Finally he gets the point and removes his shirt as well. I feel like I can't get close enough to him even though I'm practically laying on top him. It's like he's reading my mind, because his hands find the small of my back and pull me in tight. I moan again, but this time I don't care. For a split second I'm finding myself nervous because I don't know what's supposed to happen next, but then instinct reminds me that you have to be naked to have sex with someone. It's like Peeta's read my mind again because he starts to pull at the waist line of my pajama pants, but he stops as if he's waiting for my permission, so I just pull my pants and underwear down myself, partly to show him that it's okay and partly because I'm getting a little anxious. Before he does anything else he stops and just looks at my naked body. I don't know why but I'm a little self-conscious when his eyes are sweeping up and down my naked form. Plenty of people have seen me naked but I've never felt as vulnerable as I do lying above him.

When he doesn't stop staring I ask him, "What?"

"It's just…you look so beautiful," he replies sincerely, softly stroking my cheek with his hand.

I can't help but blush, but I also can't help but reach down and softly laying my lips on his. There's as much passion as before but now it's gentle and controlled. This night is the perfect combination of slow and fast, uncontrollable passion and gentle love. I tug at his pajama pants, and then he pulls them off. For the first time I notice his hard penis. "Oh, so that's what it looks like," I think to myself. Then I regrettably find myself giggling.

"What?" He asks embarrassed.

I feel bad for laughing. It isn't him, it's not him I'm laughing at it's myself. So I just reply, "Nothing; don't worry."

That seems to relax him so I feel comfortable reaching my leg over him and straddling his hips.

"Katniss, are you sure?" He asks again.

"Yes," I reply a little frustrated, "stop asking me that."

I move down a little bit so that his hard penis is right over my wet, pulsing vagina, and for the first time I realize why it was so wet to begin with. When push my hips down I wince because it hurts when he enters me.

This seems to worry him and he asks me, "Are you okay; did I hurt you?"

"No, don't worry; people wouldn't do it if it didn't feel good at some point," I let him know.

I guess he sees my, logic because he relaxes a little then very slowly thrusts his hips up. When he goes further in me it hurts, and I involuntarily wince again, but I don't let it stop me. After that he lets me do most of the work, so I can slow down or stop for a little when it hurts. But the pain doesn't last long. Once he's completely inside of me I no longer wince, but start to breathe heavy. I notice that his breathing is slow and irregular as well. When I start to feel comfortable and trust that the pain is gone I start to thrust my hips up and down. I start to feel this tingly feeling encompass my whole body, and I don't know why but I like it. I can tell that he like it too, because he's he starts to breathe heavier and dig his nails into the exposed flesh on my back. This along with the indescribable pleasure that just shot from my hips into my stomach make me moan again this time much louder out of surprise. Instinct tells me to move my hips up and down faster, so I obey. This makes that indescribable feeling overwhelming. I just want it to be stronger. Our breathing becomes more labored, and my moans get louder and more often. It seems like I let one escape my lips every time he thrusts deeper inside of me. He doesn't seem to mind, and he lets me know every time he digs his fingers into my back. I make a mental note that for some reason I really like that. After what seems like forever of this the pleasure becomes so intense that ever muscle in my body seems to twitch. I move my hips faster and faster until that indescribable feeling takes over body and every muscle is contracting at a crazy speed. It reaches the highest it ever has, and I moan Peeta's name, then everything relaxes. I collapse on my side just in time for Peeta to grab a towel on my floor and cum into it. I may not know a lot about sex, but I do know what that means, and that it is how babies are made, so I'm grateful because I definitely don't want any of those.

I reclaim my spot with his arm around me and my head on his chest. I try and fail to slow my breathing.

"Katniss," he whispers, "What are you thinking?"

"That was the most incredible thing I've ever done," I answer truthfully, "and I'm glad it was with you. I don't think you know, but I need you just as much as you need me."

"Is that true?" He asks.

"Very," I say matter of factly, as if it should have been known all along.

"What about Gale?" He asks cautiously, like he's afraid of the answer.

"What about him? I don't need the fire and hatred that he has; I have plenty of fire. I need sunshine and hope, and that's something only you can give me."

He reaches up and starts stroking my hair. I close my eyes and just let his warmth fill me up.

"You love me. Real or not real," he whispers.

"Real," I whisper back.

For the first time I'm not only honest with him about how I feel, but I'm honest with myself, which feels great.

"You want to be with me. Real or not real," I ask.

"Real."

You'll be with me, as my girlfriend," he questions for the first time, "Real or not real.

"Real," I whisper.

He kisses my forehead, and both hold onto each other as if we could lose the other any second. Eventually I fall asleep without single nightmare just dreams of being in Peeta's arms. The only similarity is when I wake up I still think it's better in realitly.


End file.
